ICBM Program Quotes #72
Seventy Second Edition of The: Top 10 Quotes Overheard in the ICBM Program


Posted Monday, July 18, 2005

  
ICBM Program Quotes #72

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Here they are folks…enjoy.

10) “We either need less crap, or bigger drawers!" (Officer rummaging in classified safe)

 

9) “Hey, what the $#&& are you guys doing?” – Govt Representative
“We’re playing ‘Hide the Monkey’ in here.” – MMA Crewmember in an LE Trainer


8) “Being in the MPT in fast time is a lot like Monte’s love life…everything happens four times faster than normal.”


7) “I didn’t write this test procedure, I just failed to re-write it.”- Test Engineer


6) “Are you ready for Block 69?” – Test Engineer
“That’s kind of a personal question, isn’t it?” – Government Rep


5) “A suicide bomber gets 70 virgins, but here I am sitting in the MPT running TVIs and all I get are 50 SCNQs. How is that fair?” - Editors note: The acronym for the Status Change Notification Queue is commonly pronounced “Skank”


4) “Half-flights…half-@$$ed…Deuce is half a weapon system.”


3) “Here’s a DR for you to write up; ‘Software sucks. Correct software and re-submit for testing when software sucks less.”


2) “Giving this program an award fee is like the government printing money and throwing it in the %^&#ing garbage.”

 

Now, the #1 quote overheard in the ICBM program…

 

 

1) “Son we live in a world that has REACT SLEP. And that software is produced by men with slide rules. Who’s gonna do it? You? You with an operator’s perspective? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for my software and you curse my formatting. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that while my explanations, long and drawn out, probably save lives….You don’t want the truth. You can’t handle the truth! Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about in staff meetings, you want my software...you need my software. We use words like SARs, Configuration Management, Code…we use these words as the backbone of a job spent developing something. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain my regression testing to a man who gets a complete weapon system by the very software I provide, then questions the way in which I format it! I’d rather you just said ‘Thank You’ and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you develop your own software and hope for launch. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think the software should look like.” – Anonymous Contractor


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NUMBER NINE EIGHT - SPECIAL COMM SYSTEMS EDITION!
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